1. |
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dear andrew
i know i shouldn't write you
i know that all these words are coming too soon
but the sky's so blue in idaho today
my eyes are clear
so i just wanted to say
our father must have a divine plan
for each woman and each man
and andrew harper
god left a place in my heart just for you
you'll always be 15 days older than i'll be
shared birthday parties of mother's deciding
stains on the knees of our jeans
that could eat them up whole
susie got married and we couldn't afford it
cathy got married, we still couldn't afford it
but when i get married i'll pay for it somehow
i know
our father must have a divine plan
for each woman and each man
and andrew harper
god left a place in my heart just for you
sunday school lessons from beached humpback whales
children's ward vietnam veteran's tales
boredom's no match for a valiant dispatch
such as ours
54 separate churches, one faith
3,051 girls with one face
i can see myself there but i don't feel so brave anymore
our father must have a divine plan
for each woman and each man
and andrew harper
god left a place in my heart just for you
come home and ask me to marry you
i do
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2. |
Oh, Idaho!
04:49
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when i stepped into the courtyard
of the student health and services hall
i was blinded for a minute
blinded by the sun
and not prepared for this at all
i can't even see where i'm going
just listen for the bells from the carillon tower
it's all about communication
they are sirens, they are louder than hell
i wait for my head to clear
i feel something inside me
i don't want to think about the meaning of all this
i just want to put it all behind me
oh, idaho!
we are lost
we are stranded and alone
oh, idaho!
we are nowhere
there is nowhere to go
then i stopped dead
dead right in the stairwell
dump all the contents of my backpack on the bricks
look around for some direction at all
pencils, pennies, dry chapstick
look over pictures from last autumn
try to guess the date and time
run my hands over the fake engagement photo
how could i have missed such a warning sign
i try to keep my feet
i pray for my head to clear
i squint up at the sun
i wish that it would kill me
instead of leaving me in rexburg one more year
oh, idaho!
we are lost
we are stranded and alone
oh, idaho!
we are nowhere
there is nowhere to go
i make it to the bathroom just in time
try to keep my eyes down at the sink
for a second i want to call my father
but i won't get past the first or second ring
oh, idaho, i've made a mess i think
oh, idaho!
we are lost
we are stranded and alone
oh, idaho!
we are nowhere
we've got nowhere to go
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3. |
Second Law
03:42
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through the windshield things seem a little myopic
on the highway southbound to the clinic
me and my sister, eyes redder than roses and fire alarms
keep your hands on the wheel, keep trying to steer it off topic
oh, what crimes against nature!
oh, what ghastly defiance!
oh, what a dastardly blow to the good and the proud!
oh! what wonders of science!
this is not a surprise at all, just basic mechanics
we all follow the second law of thermodynamics
we get to the building, as stark and sterile as a canvas
you try to smile, the gesture is utterly lifeless
i sit in the car with the radio on
try to sing to myself, try to not try to rationalize this
oh, what perilous ventures!
oh, what ghastly defiance!
oh, what heinous disorder, what shame and disgrace!
oh, what wonders of science!
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4. |
Une Saison En Enfer
04:24
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this morning has no mirror
but my eyes for the sea
the salt air licks the driftwood
i write to you in shorthand
of near daily epiphanies
it isn't me
or perspicacity
it is recovered eternity
c'est la mer melee au soleil
i hear the gull's lament
i can see the blood escaping my bandaged hand
it only dries in the shape of a heart
it only dries in the shape of a heart
it isn't me
or perspicacity
it is recovered eternity
i will trace a line or several in the sand
in relative silence
for you, for me, or for god
or for no particular reason
and for no particular reason i remember home
say, what is truth?
sincerely,
c'est la mer melee au soleil
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5. |
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i took a little look around the waiting room
of the clinic of the cold clean slate
and i carefully considered my impending doom
cordially provided by fate
i pulled lightly at the tension in my thumb
an invisible chinese finger trap
and the nurse smiled brightly as i handed in the form
my mouth dropped open and the words said
what am i doing here
said the girl to the wall, to the floor, to the hall
to the door, up through the roof and to the stars
where the stars told the clouds
and the question rained down, down, down
down to the ground
and was stepped on by the people running around
to their jobs, to their cars
to their homes and to their lives
and they didn't have an answer
and they didn't have the time
i thought about my brother in the car outside
and i wondered how long he'd have to wait
and then i thought about the other boy but pushed the thought aside
'cause there's some things i am not ready to face
and i didn't move when they called my name
fragile frame and muscles stuck
i just bit my lip so as not to scream
what the fuck
what the fuck
what the fuck
what am i doing here
said the girl to the wall, to the floor, to the hall
to the door, up through the roof and to the stars
where the stars told the clouds
and the question rained down, down, down
down to the ground
and was stepped on by the people running around
to their jobs, to their cars
to their homes and to their lives
and they didn't have any answers
and they sure didn't have the time
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6. |
Lessons
02:21
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they taught us of gravity
of its force and its frailty
how it brings in the tides
how we're all satellites
orbiting endlessly around the sun
they taught us of entropy
of its lost useless energy
how order can't last
and chaos will crash
into everything in the end
they taught us of inertia
and how will it ever stop
they taught us of
motion
density
kinetics
frequency
pressure
momentum
tensors
uncertainty
space
time
and phase
but letters fade away
they taught us of everything
i thought it was everything
i guess they forgot some things
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7. |
Plateaus
02:49
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oh say what is truth!
but the coldest morning road
i am pedaling past your doorway
in the pissing winter snow
the frost has numbed my fingers
and i can't quite use the brakes
but i had no plans to stop here anyway
oh say what is truth!
but the coldest of cold shoulders
a madrigal of doorbells
a chorus of doors closing
but when all is said and done
i'd rather be outside anyway
cause it's uphill both ways
or so they say
there are worse plateaus to land on
that's something you can count on these days
oh say what is truth!
but a picture of my father
on the bismarck archipelago
with a frightened sugar glider
i know i'm scared of leaving
i know i'm scared of change
but sometime i am just as scared of home
oh say what is truth!
but a strange stain on a paper
from a letter from a brother
in south selangor malaysia
on his outpost by the coastline
he says the days are just fine
but the nights...
they get so cold
i should hope so
cause the freezing makes it warmer
in the mornings by the harbor
and the leaving makes it better to be home
cause it's uphill both ways
or so they say
there are worse plateaus to land on
that's something you can count on these days
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Tense Kids Lexington, Kentucky
now! that's what i call catastrophic failure!
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